Reading Flaubert’s Dictionary of Received Ideas – a hilarious collection of the conversational clichés of his day – prompted the idea of making an updated list of the social and political commonplaces of our own time, the dinner party platitudes which people parrot without a second thought.
Just to emphasise: I don’t necessarily believe any of the points of view listed below. I’m just trying to record the commonplace thoughts and ideas of our time. (Flaubert sometimes put directly contradictory opinions next to each other to bring out the fatuousness of both positions. I’ve done the same here.)
Can you think of any I’ve missed?
A Dictionary of Contemporary Clichés
AGE OF CHIVALRY – Dead.
ANGER – purifying and empowering if you’re a feminist. Sign of bullying patriarchy in anyone else.
ANGRY FEMINIST – And proud of it.
AUSTERITY – Vital to tackle the huge debt left by the Labour government. Shameless excuse to cut government spending and adversely affect the poorest and most vulnerable in our society. Do you realise that women are hardest hit by austerity?
AWARENESS – Always needs to be raised. About everything.
BABY BOOMERS – It’s all their fault.
BLACK LIVES MATTER – Totally approve. Point out that many of the cops who shoot black people are themselves black. Unless there are black people present. Don’t say ‘black’, say ‘people of colour’.
BDSM – Smile knowingly.
BOOMERANG KIDS. ‘Yes after university he’s going to come back and stay with us. It’s only for a while, though, till he finds a place of his own.’
BOX – Think outside it.
BREXIT – Strongly in favour: at last we’ll be free of EU red tape. Thunder against it: unprecedented disaster for the country.
BUCKET LIST – Whenever anyone mentions doing anything interesting, say it’s on your bucket list.
CHILDREN – ‘Until I had children I didn’t know what real love was.’
CITY OF LONDON – Nest of spivs and gamblers. Vital to the economy.
COMMUNITY – Government-speak for groups of people lumped together by a crude common denominator, who often have very little in common (the black community, the Muslim community, the gay community).
CRICKET – The sport needs a major shake-up. The women’s national team always does us proud.
CYCLING – I was so shocked to hear about Lance Armstrong / Bradley Wiggins [whoever the latest doping cheat is]. The sport needs a major shake-up.
DEPTHS – Must be ‘unfathomable’.
DR WHO – About time she was a woman.
DIETS – Never work. Start a new one each January.
DISADVANTAGED FAMILIES – Government-speak for families where the parents aren’t middle-class university graduates.
DONALD TRUMP – Have you read his latest tweet? You know he actually polled fewer votes than Hillary. How can a buffoon like that end up president of the United States?
DRIVERLESS CARS – Madness.
DRUGS – Legalise them all. It’s an epidemic, something needs to be done. Declare a war on drugs.
THE ECONOMY – Don’t worry, nobody else understands economics either.
EDUCATION SYSTEM – Always needs major reform.
ELECTORAL REFORM – We need to completely change the system. We must have proportional representation to allow greater diversity of voices in British politics. Proportional representation would be a disaster leading to weak coalition governments in hock to tiny extremist parties.
EMPOWERING – What girls, women and people of colour need.
ENVELOPE – Always ‘pushing the envelope’.
EU – Undemocratic monolith. Bastion of neo-liberal corporations. Can’t wait till we’re rid of its red tape. Vital trading partner. Repository of democratic values.
EVERYDAY SEXISM – Need to call men out on it. It’s all around us. Women need to make their voices heard.
FACEBOOK – Only used by parents these days.
FEMINISM – Totally in favour of. This is what a feminist looks like. Sisters are doing it for themselves. She’s a strong, independent woman.
FIRST-TIME BUYERS – Pity them. (See property ladder)
FOOTBALL – The game needs a major shake-up. The women’s national team always does us proud.
GAME OF THRONES – Not as good as it used to be. Too predictable.
GAY MARRIAGE – All in favour of it. About time.
GENDER PAY GAP – I’m beyond angry about it.
GENERATION SNOWFLAKE – Kids these days don’t know they’re born. Undeserved insult to our hard-working children.
GENTLEMEN – Are there any left?
GIG ECONOMY – Isn’t it awful for those young people.
GLASS CEILING – Holding women back. What prevented Theresa May (Prime Minister and leader of the Conservative Party), Nicola Sturgeon (First Minister of Scotland), Arlene Foster (leader of the DUP), Leanne Wood (leader of Plaid Cymru), Mary Lou McDonald (President of Sinn Féin) and Caroline Lucas (leader of the Green Party) from attaining positions of power.
GLOBAL WARMING – Greatest challenge facing the human race. Pack of lies promoted by scientists with a vested interest in research funding. It will all be sorted out by new technology. We need to make sweeping changes to our lifestyles. (Go on to discuss the new 4 by 4 you’ve bought, and where you’re going skiing next year.)
HARD BREXIT – No idea what it means. To be avoided at all costs.
HARD WORKING FAMILIES – Must be mentioned in any speech or media appearance by a Conservative politician.
HARASSMENT – Apparently, looking at a woman’s breasts is a form of harassment – it’s political correctness gone mad. You don’t know what it’s like to be a woman and subjected to constant leering, rude comments and unwanted touching.
HEALTH AND SAFETY – Always ‘gone mad’.
HOLIDAY HOME – Of course French paperwork is a nightmare; but when you’re sitting on the terrace as the sun sets over the Dordogne, with a glass of local wine in your hand, you realise it was definitely worth all the hassle.
HOUSE PRICES – Can’t believe prices in [insert any location in the UK] have shot up so fast. Secretly pleased your house is worth three times what you paid for it.
HOUSING SHORTAGE – Blame the government. Blame local councils. Blame developers. Don’t mention your second home in Cornwall.
IMMIGRATION – Vital for the economy. Placing an impossible burden on local services.
INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY – Women need to make their voices heard / be taken seriously / be given more respect.
THE INTERNET – Marvel of the age. Has its drawbacks, though. Pornography is the most popular search term.
INTERNET GIANTS – Amazon, Facebook, YouTube, they’ve all gotten too big for their own good. They’re killing off the high street. Isn’t it shocking how little tax they pay.
JAMES BOND – About time she was a woman / he was black. Idris Elba would make an excellent James Bond.
JEREMY CORBYN – Biggest threat to the country since Hitler. Has single-handedly revived British politics. Did you know the Labour Party has its highest membership ever under Corbyn?
KARDASHIAN, KIM – Role model for young women today. Shameless exhibitionist.
LBGT+ – Pretend to know what this stands for. Strongly approve (whatever it is).
LIBERAL ELITE – It’s all their fault.
LONDON – Filthy, polluted, overpriced toilet. Most exciting city in the world.
MANSPLAINING – A man explaining anything to a woman. Terrible in others. You’ve never done it yourself.
MASS SHOOTINGS – I don’t know what the world’s coming to. Americans have a toxic relationship with guns.
#ME TOO – Women need to have their voices heard / be taken seriously / be given more respect.
MEGHAN MARKLE – Breath of fresh air. Just what the Royal Family needs. Just goes to show how things have changed.
MENTAL HEALTH – So brave to talk about it. There’s no stigma attached to it nowadays. (See Meghan Markle)
MILLENNIALS – Sigh. Feel sorry for them.
MOBILE PHONE – I can’t live without my phone. Teenagers are addicted to them.
MOVING OUT OF LONDON – Now we’re living in the country, I can’t imagine how we ever put up with London. So dirty and polluted. Don’t regret moving to the country for a minute.
THE NHS – National treasure. Makes us proud. Needs major reform. The Tories are privatising it by stealth.
NORTH-SOUTH DIVIDE – Crying shame. Social injustice. Secretly rejoice that you live in the South.
OBESITY – It’s an epidemic. Blame junk food. Lament the fact that people don’t have time to cook from fresh ingredients, like in the good old days.
THE PATRIARCHY – Rule of men. Anything which prevents any woman getting her way. Responsible for all oppression, anywhere, ever, e.g. ‘war was invented by men’. Being dismantled by Hollywood actresses.
POLITICS, BRITISH – Need a major shake-up.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS – Always ‘gone mad’.
THE POOREST AND MOST VULNERABLE MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY – Must be included in any speech or media appearance by a Labour politician. (See hard working families)
POP MUSIC – Not as good as it was back in my day.
POPULISM – It’s a backlash against the liberal elite and political correctness. Did you see the results of the Italian election? (See Trump)
PROSTITUTE – Gently correct anyone using this word – the acceptable phrase is now ‘sex worker’. Unless you’re talking to a woman, in which case remain silent to avoid the risk of ‘mansplaining’.
RACISM – Together we can smash it.
RACIST – I don’t think I’m a racist. I always thought he was a racist. Any institution you can think of is ‘institutionally racist’.
REFUGEES – Isn’t it terrible? Did you see the pictures of those poor children on TV / the internet?
POSITIVE ROLE MODELS – What girls and women need.
ROYAL FAMILY – Respect the work the young generation of royals is doing to raise awareness of important issues (see Meghan Markle).
SEX – Every aspect of ‘the media’ – films, TV, magazines, billboards – are saturated in sexualised images of women. Don’t confuse this with real life, where any mention of women as sexual beings is now forbidden. Never touch, make a pass at, or try and kiss a woman without written permission.
SEXISM – Together we can smash it.
SEXIST – I don’t think I’m sexist, do you darling?
SHADES OF GREY – It’s so badly written, I gave up after a couple of pages. (Don’t reveal you read all three books and made notes.)
SOCIAL CARE – Always ‘in crisis’. Needs a major shake-up.
SOCIALISM – Will destroy the country.
SOFT BREXIT – No idea what it means. Be strongly in favour of it.
STEM – We need to encourage more girls to study STEM subjects. (See Meghan Markle)
STRONG AND STABLE – Means the opposite.
STRONGER – Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.
SUFFERING – Always ‘unimaginable’.
THE SUFFRAGETTES – So heroic. It’s because of them that we can vote today.
SUMMER – Always ‘the hottest since records began’. (See global warming)
TAX EVASION – Anyone avoiding tax should be named and shamed. Big American corporations must be forced to pay their fair share of taxes. Don’t mention the shell company you get paid via as a consultant.
TIME’S UP – Women need to have their voices heard / be taken seriously / be given more respect.
TRAFFIC – Always ‘appalling’.
TRUMP, DONALD – Have you read his latest tweet? You know he actually polled fewer votes than Hillary? The man’s a sexist, racist bigot. The White House is in chaos. He won’t last a year. (See populism)
VITAMIN D – Wonder drug miracle cure for all ailments.
WINTER – Always ‘the coldest since records began’.
WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH – Women need to make their voices heard / be taken seriously / be given more respect.
Handy list of contemporary issues
Related links
- Flaubert’s Dictionary of Received Ideas online (re-ordered by theme)
- Flaubert’s Dictionary of Received Ideas Wikipedia article
Books & Boots 
Tim Harding
/ March 9, 2018Reblogged this on The Logical Place.